It has been 7 and 1/6 years since I have written a post on this particular place on the internet, for no other reason than I did not feel the need to scream into the void. Oh, how times have changed.

Are we being judged? I feel like this is some sort of test…a serious one to be sure, probably like what SERE training is like, but with your family dying instead of just you, maybe? While not a ‘god fearing’ man, I am a believer in ‘more than us’, and I feel that someone in our cadre was just spotted by the casino floor manager with an ace up their sleeve and instead of giving that particular asshole a bruising, the man in charge decided to lock the doors and burn the whole building down.

I don’t know what this does, writing a thing on a blog with zero expectation of feedback or an outcome of any kind. I hope for catharsis. I hope for a future. God, wherever you are, I hope for hope. I have cried more in the past week than I have in years and I have two kids under 6. I have anger, I have despair, I have a blazing hatred for ineptitude that plagues beyond the nation I live in for which I have no outlet save for the internal monologue I keep going on the off chance it has some slight redeeming value beyond lying to myself.

But when I set it all down, all I have is love I want to hand out to anyone that needs it. I can’t believe this, but I know it to be true. And I am trying to save it, as I know for the near term all I will know is worse than what I know now.

I am so sorry fellow humans. I am so sorry.